that's what i always tell people when they ask me why i'm in Paris and i don't know them well. just say (in your dumbest-sounding voice) "uhmmm its kind of a long story..." and then quickly change the subject. works like a charm.
anyway i know some of you readers are keen on going to Paris someday, so i've set up a series of rules for you if you want to look like a local in good old pair-ee.
1) look cool at all times. you must NEVER NEVER EVER break this rule. try not to run when you're in a hurry, have a bored, glazed expression on at ALL times, act like you are better than all those other dirty foreigners, and always dress your best!
2)if you don't know French, try not to talk. the easiest way to put a glowing neon sign over your head that says "TOURIST" is by making a big scene with a local trying to ask where the nearest toilet is. if you absolutely NEED to talk, try to be polite and use as much French as possible before you ask them "est que vous comprendrez l'anglais?" then that at least makes you seem like a relatively cool tourist.
3) blend in physically. CONFORM OR FREAKING DIE. if you come in the winter, black pea coats and scarves all around. women in stylish leather boots and black skinny jeans. NEVER EVER wear running shoes. Men... man purse. thats all i'm gonna say. seriously there was this big intimidating looking guy sitting next to me on the metro and i was scared of him until i saw his prada man-purse.
4) Don't ask for demi-baguettes. bakery-people will give you crazy looks. man up and get a whole one, then save the rest for tomorrow (another day you won't have to speak broken french to a pastry shop worker... congrats) Don't get tons of pastries every day. this will make you a fat foreigner. french women stay thin because they dont get pastries every day and suck on cancer-sticks all the time. if you don't want to do the latter (which i strongly reccomend) then try to do the first. reward yourself with a pastry every once in a while. (or if you must get one EVERY day, make it at a different bakery every day so they don't know you are actually a legit tourist)
5) if you DO speak french, milk it for all it's worth. people will love you. but you should definitely do everything else to blend in too.
6) now, i speak to you as a friend, not an instructor. BUY THE FRUIT. it's SO good. very fresh. so much better than the united states. italian kiwis are my new heroin.
7) don't smile at stangers. they will think you are mentally handicapped or something. just don't do it.
8) say bonjour to the store owner as soon as you enter the store. and au revior after you leave... i don't know why, i guess it's common courtesy. and make sure you know how actually SAY those words before you leave. no 'BON-geur'-ing should ever occur.
9) don't make a face when people light up. EVERYONE smokes and i have probably inhaled enough second-hand smoke to fuel a small nation here, but don't make a big deal out of it. it's just rude and will NOT make you any friends.
10) get in shape before you go. i cannot even begin to tell you how many stairs you will climb while you are here.
au revoir for now!
xoxo
ems
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1) Yeah, they're pretty prejudiced against foreigners...
ReplyDelete2) VERY true--Mme. Collmar says that even if they know English, many won't speak to you because they know the whole "Don't make a fool out of yourself" rule.
Also, I'm 95% sure that it's "EST-CE que vous compreprendez l'anglais" The -ce there is silent.....but I'm only telling you that because I'm a prat and because I think it's soo cool that you know a bit of french now also. So I have to correct you. Sorry. Can't help/handle it.
3) Also, true. Both Mme. Collmar and my brother-in-law agree on this. As for man-purses? Weird. They're leather, though, right? Pretty much always?
4)Have you SEEN Mme Collmar?! She wears KIDS SIZES in pants. The weird thing is that they eat on average a third less than we do, but they buy their baguettes early in the morning and eat the whole thing walking on the way home. Sometimes they actually buy TWO so that they actually have something to eat later on in the day. Go figure.
5) They really do think that their language is entirely superior. Okay, yeah it's pretty, but the problem is that they know that. Sort of like some annoying people at East.
6) Haven't heard that one.
7) Haha, Madame told us this one too.
8) YES! Another one who understands the tryanny. Yes, it is very annoying.
Madame says that they will kick you out because they're the ones who are allowing you to purchase from them, not the other way around here. Different perspective.
9) Haha, she said this too. She said it's really REALLY offensive if you ask someone to stop or make a face.
10) Alrighty then.
Hope you're having fun!!!!
Hannah