the first day! ahhhhhh!

well today was the first day. it wasn't very epic or exciting. the best part of the day was when i walked in, looked around and realized... "i'm not a freshman!" and on the way to debate (my first class) i saw all these little freshies running around who looked like they had super-glued their schedules to their faces. and, not gonna lie, it made me really happy. so happy, in fact that when i got to debate i yelled "hey guys! i'm not a freshman anymore!" because of that evan and carson now think i'm on something but that's okay. :) i'm just happy not to be a freshman.

so embarrassing story time! I went to math today right? and 2/3 of the way through the class the teacher called roll. He didn't call my name and the kid sitting next to me wasn't called either. turns out he read his schedule wrong. so, i assumed i had done the same thing and thought i had switched my spanish and math classes. so i take the trek down to senor selles' room and of course i have to tell my friend (who is in the class) everything, and the entire class ends up listening to my story and i ask senor if i'm in his class this period. he tells me i'm not, and so i go back to math to find that math was my correct class, i'm an idiot and high schoolers tends to laugh at idiots. moral of the story: if you don't want to be laughed at, don't be an idiot. the end. :)

well those are my exciting stories of the day. not really very exciting, i know but whatever. i'm not a freshman anymore, so you can suck it.

xoxo

ems

seamless lives and jelly jars

you know those people who just seem to have it all? like you know you really really hate them on the outside, but on the inside you can't help but admire how perfect their lives are? and you wonder, sometimes if they know how lucky they really are? or seem to be?

i know that i am a really lucky person. i mean i have family, friends, a house, not dying of starvation or anything. but hell, my life is not perfect. and yeah i sometimes have a lot of problems with my life. and i know i'm lucky, but sometimes i totally wish i could be someone else, or just disappear. you know the whole "Poof!"and the world would continue on, completely normal, without me.

and sometimes i wonder if others think of me as a person with a perfect life. and it makes me wonder that maybe if the people who i think have perfect lives...

are really just like me.

feeling lost.

and looking back at me and thinking

"god. she is so lucky. why can't my life be more like hers?"

Well on to a happier topic! :)

i know the title said "seamless lives and jelly jars" but i'm really not going to talk about jelly jars. i thought it just sounded really cool. it kind of rolls off the tongue, you know?

anyway what i'm really going to talk about is sweatpants. (see? the title would not have been HALF as cool if it was "seamless lives and sweatpants". doesn't have the same ring to it.) they are so amazing! i would totally live in sweatpants if i could. by the way, who made up the rule that sweatpants are a fashion faux pas? LAME. if they aren't already dead i would kill them. i know i shouldn't care, and blah, blah but still. i like to look somewhat put together... who doesn't? we all try and look relatively normal when we go to school right?

i mean nothings wrong with jeans or anything. maybe it's the mindset that sweats get you in. seriously, like if you go to school in skinny jeans you're in a completely different mindset. like you're trying to impress someone. trying to look good for the world. I save my sweatpants for the days i really don't give a shit. and they make me feel great!

hmmm... i totally just made a discovery! well kinda. maybe its not the sweats after all. maybe it's just how you feel the day you put them on. like you really don't care what people think. and maybe thats why we all like them so much! well that and those soft, fuzzy insides. mmmm.

xoxo

ems

bleh! school.

school starts in a week and a half. i really really dont want to go back... i mean think about it. i'm going back to pointless drama, math homework, packed hallways, boring classes, and douche-baggy boys. (thanks maria! haha.) but seriously the walls of east high school are oozing with teenage angst. i swear to Buddha that they put some kind of gas in the air vents that makes all of the teachers and students grumpy all the time. i'm going to see some people who i was fortunate enough to avoid over the summer. i'm going to have to spend time with them. sophmore year could totally be sucksville. or you know, i could be positive. i'm going back to see people i missed. going back to lunchtime, inside jokes, seeing my friends every day, messing around in class, and though we all hate to admit it, some of those douche-baggy boys are not too bad to look at.

anyway, we all love to hate school. but okay i'll admit it. i've had some pretty good times inside those white-washed walls of east high. lots of bad ones too, don't get me wrong. but a small handful of really good times.

lets face it. last year i wanted to come to east high and be like a new person. the new and improved emma. to all of a sudden be liked by everyone. and i was really dissapointed when it didn't happen.

this year, i know i'm not going to be homecoming royalty or whatever. and i know those hot douche-baggy boys won't all of a sudden all get crushes on me and that i will rise to popularity or something like that. so this year, i'm gonna walk into those east high doors and try to be myself, for once, and i can promise you one thing. this year, i am gonna have a goddamn party being me.

xoxo

ems

the power of words

okay. so for the last two weeks i have been taking the best acting class ever. like THE best. i felt like i could trust every single person in there so much, and that i could make a total fool out of myself and no one would laugh at me or judge me outside of class. plus everyone was so involved! everyone gave their all to everything to the exercises the teacher (who was one of the best i have ever had) gave us to do. i felt like i could just explore. it was fantastic, and definitely one of the best acting experiences i've ever had.


but, now to my point. We did this exercise where we wrote down words we thought were hateful, and not just like swear words. like words that connected to our lives that we thought were hateful. we gave two words from our list to the teacher, who read them out loud, with feeling while we just walked around the room,. and i didn't think it would do anything. like really, reading words aloud? but by the 6th word he read there were girls who were fighting back tears. i was shocked how much they really made me feel. and when he read the words i had written down, it just hit a chord inside of me, i was blinking back tears. really honestly, when he read my words of hate, i wanted to curl up in a corner and cover my ears and cry. and they were just words. just... words. it was amazing. after the words of hate, we had to go and hug everyone in the room. we also did words of praise, but everyone in the room was so affected by the words of hate that everyone in the class was just a little off emotionally that day. it just made me think how much words can affect us. oh and don't think he just did this to verbally abuse us all. the exercises helped me tons with my emotional recall, and also totally helped me with replicating pure emotion onstage, how just thinking of someone saying those words to me could get me into such a strong emotional state. i mean you always hear how words can hurt a lot but i never really felt how much words can hurt until that day.

xoxo,
ems