i can see clearly now

ahhhh. i have nothing to blog about. and yet, i am blogging again. please be patient while i think of a topic.
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it's raining outside. some people say it's dreary, but i love the rain. it's cool and refreshing and beautiful. i've never experienced rain like Flan has in Indonesia, (visit her blog, www.flaninindonesia.blogspot.com) where the thunder makes you jump. To me, that sounds exciting!! its like a mega-cleanse spa treatment for the earth. (wow, that didn't sound hippie-dippy AT ALL. i dare you to say it out loud with a hippie voice and not get laughed out of the room. i dare you.)

there's that song... is it bob marley? the "i can see clearly now the rain has gone, i can see all obstacles in my way..." well i don't know about you but the rain more than the sun makes me see clearly. the sun is hot, stifling, and sometimes unbearable. the rain just always seems cool and lovely.

whenever it rained in salt lake, i would always run up to my room, sit on my bed, and watch the rain from the window beside it. i don't really know why... it was just something i always did. when i was little i would watch the raindrops race down my window. I would always root for the littlest raindrops, who would normally lose. (and yes, i know now it's because they had a smaller mass, THANK YOU physics kids.) i've really never been scared of thunder or lightning. honestly, it always fascinated me. i loved to count the seconds in between the lightning and thunder to see how far away it was from my house.

now, the rain just gives me time to think, to clear my mind. today, i'm sitting in the kitchen of a old apartment in Paris, looking out a new window on to a back alley, and the rain has the same calming, cleansing effect that always made me happy as a little kid. it makes me feel almost closer to home, in a way.

i love the smell of rain. the smell of rain on the sidewalk is the best smell ever. I mean yeah, you could make decent cases for fresh-baked cookies and the smell of guys after they shower but rain wins, hands DOWN. i can't even describe the smell for you now... it's not necessarily "clean"... not even "fresh" i really have no idea how to describe it. comment what you think, if you feel so inclined.

so i guess the bottom line is i love rain because its rejuvenating. (that's a funny word. rejuvenating.) in all seriousness, the world just seems more alive and beautiful when it rains. so now i guess i'll open the new window in this old apartment to feel and smell and taste the pouring rain... that is, until my roommate yells "SHUT THE GODDAMN WINDOW, IT'S FREEZING IN HERE!!!" to which i will grin like an idiot, and do as she tells me.

xoxo
ems

this is what i look like today

here's a poem i found on the internet... i think it's kinda cool...a little angsty, but it poetry, you know? haha comment what you think of it!

echo of my heart

(i couldn't find the author's actual name)

the door shuts behind me with a click.

i take a deep breath

and run.

my scuffed shoes hit the ground softly, silently

they don't slam, not yet

i hear only my footsteps on the crowded street

so i listen to the echo of my broken heart .

i pass by hookers, drug dealers, knockoff-sellers,

mothers with their screaming babies

but i don't see them.

i concentrate on the road before me

as my footsteps echo the beating of my broken heart.

I don't think of you.

or of her.

i don't remember how i cried

when i found out she was

the only one who was meant for you to love

that i would

never be yours.

i simply run

and listen to the echo of my broken heart

i don't run for you

i don't run for her

i'm not even sure

i run for me.

i run to feel alive,

to look ahead,

and to listen to the echo of my broken heart.

xoxo

ems

it's a long story...

that's what i always tell people when they ask me why i'm in Paris and i don't know them well. just say (in your dumbest-sounding voice) "uhmmm its kind of a long story..." and then quickly change the subject. works like a charm.

anyway i know some of you readers are keen on going to Paris someday, so i've set up a series of rules for you if you want to look like a local in good old pair-ee.

1) look cool at all times. you must NEVER NEVER EVER break this rule. try not to run when you're in a hurry, have a bored, glazed expression on at ALL times, act like you are better than all those other dirty foreigners, and always dress your best!

2)if you don't know French, try not to talk. the easiest way to put a glowing neon sign over your head that says "TOURIST" is by making a big scene with a local trying to ask where the nearest toilet is. if you absolutely NEED to talk, try to be polite and use as much French as possible before you ask them "est que vous comprendrez l'anglais?" then that at least makes you seem like a relatively cool tourist.

3) blend in physically. CONFORM OR FREAKING DIE. if you come in the winter, black pea coats and scarves all around. women in stylish leather boots and black skinny jeans. NEVER EVER wear running shoes. Men... man purse. thats all i'm gonna say. seriously there was this big intimidating looking guy sitting next to me on the metro and i was scared of him until i saw his prada man-purse.

4) Don't ask for demi-baguettes. bakery-people will give you crazy looks. man up and get a whole one, then save the rest for tomorrow (another day you won't have to speak broken french to a pastry shop worker... congrats) Don't get tons of pastries every day. this will make you a fat foreigner. french women stay thin because they dont get pastries every day and suck on cancer-sticks all the time. if you don't want to do the latter (which i strongly reccomend) then try to do the first. reward yourself with a pastry every once in a while. (or if you must get one EVERY day, make it at a different bakery every day so they don't know you are actually a legit tourist)

5) if you DO speak french, milk it for all it's worth. people will love you. but you should definitely do everything else to blend in too.

6) now, i speak to you as a friend, not an instructor. BUY THE FRUIT. it's SO good. very fresh. so much better than the united states. italian kiwis are my new heroin.

7) don't smile at stangers. they will think you are mentally handicapped or something. just don't do it.

8) say bonjour to the store owner as soon as you enter the store. and au revior after you leave... i don't know why, i guess it's common courtesy. and make sure you know how actually SAY those words before you leave. no 'BON-geur'-ing should ever occur.

9) don't make a face when people light up. EVERYONE smokes and i have probably inhaled enough second-hand smoke to fuel a small nation here, but don't make a big deal out of it. it's just rude and will NOT make you any friends.

10) get in shape before you go. i cannot even begin to tell you how many stairs you will climb while you are here.

au revoir for now!
xoxo
ems

crazy stuff, yo

i would just like to thank the united states department of education for thinking up the ingenious WINTER BREAK. THANK YOU! If you guys hadn't done that, i would have shot myself a LONG time ago. seriously.

well it's super foggy here... you can't even see the mountains, and that's definitely saying something. and the houses across the street from mine look fuzzy. not the ideal holiday situation, but whatever, man.

soooo... i guess i need an exciting story to tell you guys because so far this has probably been the most boring blog post you've ever read. hmmmm...

crap.

wait... i can tell you about my movie-crying expertise! that might be kind of interesting.

so to make this relevant to now, last night i watched the proposal for the second time (its a great movie, go and watch it) I cried in the exact same spot that i cried in when i saw it the first time. and get this... I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AND CRIED ANYWAY.

I am the biggest movie-crier you will probably ever meet. I have cried in way too many movies to count, however my claim to fame is "tigger's big movie" (i also cried in piglet's, but that's beside the point) i don't know why i get so emotionally attached to the characters in movies, but its kind of embarrassing. like in school, we watched the joy luck club and the last scene in the movie, i cried. i was the only one who did in a class of like 30 people, and i felt like a total idiot when everyone was staring at me and my teacher came and handed a tissue to me. MORTIFYING.

bottom line: i cry in lots of movies. and yes, it's embarrassing and you might not want to be seen with me at a movie theater, but hey. i guess thats just how i roll.

look! i just wasted like 5 minutes of your time with a pretty boring blog post about nothing in particular! yaay!

xoxo

ems

{insert appropriate title of blog here}

honestly, im not real sure what to write. my life really hasn't been all that exciting. i guess i just wanted yall to know that YES in fact i am still alive, and have access to a computer... to those of you who don't see me every day at school.

so i guess i'll give you 10 comments on my life...

1) I HATE WORLD HISTORY! it sucks balls. mr. mcnaughtan makes me want to sleep. the book does too. i have a feeling a AP prep-book is in order...

2) say hello to one of this year's take 5 directors! im uber pumped and can't wait for auditions! or to know what plays have been picked! my fellow directors have been so great to meet with and i'm so psyched to work with them. i don't really care if i get a drama or a comedy or dramedy or whatever. i just hope i don't get stuck with the crap play cuz i'm a sophomore...i hear a lot of people are submitting this year, so hopefully there won't even be a crap play for me to be stuck with.

3) men suck. just a little. oh well.

4) drama, oh drama, why must you always come knocking on our doors when god knows you're not wanted here? dammit.

5) i'm kind of hating choices a little right now. there are so goddamn many of them and i always seem to make the wrong ones.

6) so i guess i don't really know what i want. from anything or anyone. objective-less. if life was a play the director probably would have fired me by now for not having objective this late in the rehearsal process. (wow that sounced corny) it's not like i don't know what i want from life... i just don't know what i want from life RIGHT NOW... you know?

7) oranges would be cooler if they were purple.

8) wow... thanksgiving already? i'm afraid to blink... i might miss christmas.

9) i need thetwo school days this week to be over... like now? please?

well dang. guess that's only nine. oh well.

xoxo

ems

well, here we are.

well it certainly has been awhile since i last blogged. mostly because i always open the 'new post' page with an idea, only to find out it sounds dumb or its inappropriate for a blogging topic. i mean i really wish i could just dump my heart and soul on here but then again, people do READ these, so yeah...

not gonna lie, i'm pretty pissed right now. not about anything in particular. well, never mind, that was a lie. a LOT of things in particular... okay, and a lot of people in particular. and a lot of things in particular that people in particular have done. i won't name any specific sources here, but yeah. just had to share. :)

have you ever wondered why we were put on earth? like really WHY. i mean we all die in the end right? so is there a certain thing we were meant to do or what? seriously there are over 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion. that's a lot. so were we all put here to make a difference? cuz if we did, the world would have a lot of differences made by now. what if the world ran out of differences to be made? and what about the people that don't make a difference? what is their purpose? live and die? that's it? and then i can't help wonder which kind of person i am. if i'm gonna be the person that years from now,i'll be a household name, or if i'm one of those people that comes into the world and leaves it, just like that.

okay this is getting too deep for me so i better stop ;)

xoxo

ems

the first day! ahhhhhh!

well today was the first day. it wasn't very epic or exciting. the best part of the day was when i walked in, looked around and realized... "i'm not a freshman!" and on the way to debate (my first class) i saw all these little freshies running around who looked like they had super-glued their schedules to their faces. and, not gonna lie, it made me really happy. so happy, in fact that when i got to debate i yelled "hey guys! i'm not a freshman anymore!" because of that evan and carson now think i'm on something but that's okay. :) i'm just happy not to be a freshman.

so embarrassing story time! I went to math today right? and 2/3 of the way through the class the teacher called roll. He didn't call my name and the kid sitting next to me wasn't called either. turns out he read his schedule wrong. so, i assumed i had done the same thing and thought i had switched my spanish and math classes. so i take the trek down to senor selles' room and of course i have to tell my friend (who is in the class) everything, and the entire class ends up listening to my story and i ask senor if i'm in his class this period. he tells me i'm not, and so i go back to math to find that math was my correct class, i'm an idiot and high schoolers tends to laugh at idiots. moral of the story: if you don't want to be laughed at, don't be an idiot. the end. :)

well those are my exciting stories of the day. not really very exciting, i know but whatever. i'm not a freshman anymore, so you can suck it.

xoxo

ems